She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
