what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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