for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
