dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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