maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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