we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Randomize
