I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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