Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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