I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
