we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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