In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize