I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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