I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
