I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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