Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
