There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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