I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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