I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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