oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
