At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
