btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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