Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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