The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
