I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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