I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
