im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
