Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
