I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
