She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
