can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize