Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize