Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize