"it" just moved
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
