if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
