I smell stomach acid.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
