My friends, they love my intelligence
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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