Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
