Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
