8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
