I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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