Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
