I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My pussy is not your playground.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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