there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
