hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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