apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
