peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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