I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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