fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
