I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
