he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize