You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
