just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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