I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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