your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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