I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize