White coat. Heels.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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