The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
