remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
