3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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