if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
