dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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