In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
