Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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