yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
