Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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