fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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