just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
