i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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