he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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